Lyra's Life
by JaysGotOpinions
Summary: A short FanFiction that explores Lyra's thoughts and feelings two years after her separation from Will. Rated M for scenes involving self harm and sexual content.
1. Author's Note

**Hello readers.**

**This FanFiction has recently been edited and re-written in some places so it features chapters that are less frequent, but also longer. I have also amended several parts of the story, and have taken advice from my reviewers, particularly Lady Jambereemon.**

**I hope you enjoy reading what I have written, and I also hope that it is an improvement upon the previous version of the story.**

**Thank you. **


	2. Chapter 1

Lyra's life had changed greatly since the events that had transpired two years ago.

Since returning to her own universe, Lyra had studied under the watchful yet caring eye of Dame Hannah, who cared for her and helped her to learn. It was Lyra's aim to become an alethiometrist, but she knew it wouldn't be easy. Dame Hannah encouraged Lyra to study very frequently, but she sometimes found it hard to concentrate.

At Oxford university, it was said that changes had took place; Lyra had heard that the Magisterium now had far less influence over the university and its policies, but there didn't seem to be much of a difference to her. Lyra didn't live in Jordan College anymore, instead she attended St. Sophia's boarding school several miles away. But from time to time, for old time's sake, she would visit Jordan College, and would walk among its ancient corridors, remembering the years she had spent there when she was younger.

However, Lyra didn't usually have much time for this; most of the time, she was talking to the friends she had made since joining St. Sophia's. Although it had been difficult for Lyra to fit in at St. Sophia's at first, as most of the girls there were mean to her, she eventually found a small group of friends who made her happy. A year after she had joined, the school began to accept boys as well as girls, and one of the boys who joined the school at this point was Joseph. A year younger than Lyra, Joseph attended some of her classes as he was very intelligent for his age, and that was how they had met.

Lyra liked Joseph, because he was kind and smart, but sometimes she worried about him. He seemed to have a look of constant despair and sadness within his eyes, even when he was smiling and laughing.

Lyra understood perfectly.

She remained relatively happy for most of the time, but sometimes, late at night, she would break down into sudden bursts of tears. Although her friends at St. Sophia's were kind to her, she missed Will, and longed to be with him again.

But she knew this would never be.

One day, Lyra told Dame Hannah about Will, but Dame Hannah seemed less than sympathetic.

"He's just a boy, Lyra," she said, "You'll meet plenty at school, and I'm sure that many of them like you very much."

"You don't get it," Lyra sobbed. "Will was one in a million, and we both swore to love each other forever."

"You were far too young to be talking like that," scolded Dame Hannah. "You shouldn't be making these kind of commitments when you're so young."

At this point, Lyra had had just about enough, and ran away to her room, where she cried for hours.

The next day, Lyra woke up to the sound of footsteps tapping upon the floor at regular intervals. When Lyra left her bedroom and entered the lounge, she saw that Dame Hannah had already arrived for her morning lessons. But Dame Hannah wasn't carrying any of Lyra's textbooks, and was pacing anxiously, staring down at the floor as she did so.

"Dame Hannah?" said Lyra, surprised by her tutor's early arrival.

"Sorry I woke you up Lyra," she apologised. "I just wanted to come here to say sorry for the way I acted yesterday, it's not for me to say when you should be move on."

Lyra froze for a moment, attempting to process Dame Hannah's apology in her sleep deprived state. Then she calmly nodded, and said, "That's OK."

Later that day, Lyra walked out of her last afternoon class feeling slightly better than she had done the previous day. But a deep sense of sadness still tugged at the edges of her mind, and she wasn't quite sure why. She and Dame Hannah were no longer arguing, and her studies were going well.

Perhaps she was still thinking about Will deep down.

Lyra quickly tried to dismiss this thought, but then felt ashamed for doing so. Although she couldn't let thoughts of Will consume her and ruin her life, it wasn't right to forget about him either. As she neared the doors of the lecture building, she heard Joseph's voice from behind her, cutting through her thoughts of Will, despite its quiet and soft nature.

"Hey, Lyra," Joseph said. "How were your classes today?"

"They were OK, I suppose." Lyra replied. "I liked the literature and comparative religious studies classes, but the geometry and algebra classes were boring."

Joseph chuckled lightly. "I know exactly what you mean."

"But Joseph, you're really good at mathematics." Lyra pointed out.

Joseph shrugged. "It doesn't necessarily mean I have to like it. So, uh, anyway, there's something I wanted to ask you."

"OK," said Lyra, smiling in an attempt to ease the anxiety that seemed to be growing upon Joseph's face. "What is it?"

Joseph stammered incoherently for a moment, but then cleared his throat and spoke.

"Uh, OK." He said. "I've been thinking. We've been friends for a while now, and I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me."

Suddenly, in that moment, everything stopped. Despite the fact that Lyra had once tricked Iofur Rakinson out of the throne, rescued ghosts from the world of the dead, and become the subject of a witch prophecy, the problem before her still daunted her greatly. She realised she couldn't say yes – she had to be loyal to Will, and as much as she liked Joseph, she couldn't let that stop her faithfulness to Will. Nevertheless, she also realised that she would have to let Joseph down in a way that wouldn't hurt his feelings; he was her friend after all, and he had always been kind and respectful to her.

As Lyra continued to think in silence, her thoughts were interrupted by Joseph's soft voice, gently prompting her to say something, anything.

"Lyra? Are you OK? Please talk to me."

Suddenly, Lyra snapped out of her thoughts, and came back to the real world. As her heart began to beat faster than ever, she realised she had to make a decision.


	3. Chapter 2

Slowly, Lyra breathed in and said, perhaps a little too quickly, "I'm sorry Jospeh, but I only see you as a friend. I think you're really sweet, but I don't really want to go out with you."

Jospeh seemed a little hurt for a moment, but then he quickly assumed a casual smile.

"That's OK, Lyra," he said. "I understand. That wasn't the first time I've heard that sentence, and it won't be the last."

Lyra felt a sudden sense of guilt tugging at the edges of her conscience, and she hastily said, "Look, I would go out with you, but there's this other boy…"

"You mean you have a boyfriend?" asked Joseph.

Lyra stammered a little, but managed to say, "Not exactly. Come and sit with me in the park and I'll explain what happened."

And with that, Lyra and Joseph left the building, and strolled out across the streets of Oxford until they reached the park. Strangely, they didn't say anything to each other on the way there, as if there was something special about the park that meant the information could only be exchanged there. Perhaps Lyra just wanted somewhere private to talk about the events that had occurred two years ago.

When they arrived at the park, Lyra and Joseph sat on a wooden bench and sat close to each other as Lyra began to tell the epic tale of how she had met, and been separated from Will, beginning with her witnessing the Master attempting to poison Lord Asriel.

Joseph didn't say a word until Lyra had finished speaking, and politely listened with great care. But when she finished explaining, Joseph gasped with amazement at what he had just heard. To someone else, Lyra's story might seem far-fetched and unrealistic, but to Joseph the story was both incredible and believable at the same time, not just because it had been told by Lyra.

"Lyra, I can see why you don't want to move on." He said. "If I had been in your situation, I would never, not for one moment, consider forgetting someone I loved that much."

Lyra nodded calmly. "I'm glad you understand." She said.

Without feeling the need to say anything else, Lyra and Joseph left to go their separate ways for the evening; Joseph went home to his parents, who were scholars at the university, and Lyra went back to her dormitory, where she waited for Dame Hannah to arrive so they could begin their evening classes.

After Dame Hannah left, Lyra slowly got into bed, and after reading for about ten minutes, turned off the light and fell asleep. She slept for a long time, but woke up at midnight for no apparent reason. Wondering what could have caused her to wake up so suddenly, Lyra realised that she was worried, and that it was still about Will. Although telling Joseph about what had happened had helped in some ways, it had hurt as well as it had brought memories that she had been keeping repressed back to the surface of her mind.

Lyra realised that she would never, ever love anyone but Will, and as she reached out to her bedside table, she breathed in deeply. She wasn't sure this was what she wanted to do, but she had so many confusing emotions at the moment that this seemed like the only option.

Taking out a sharp pair of scissors, she began to cut at her forearms, and soon blood reached the surface of the cut she had made. Lyra's daemon Pantalaimon, who had been sleeping in the corner of her room, suddenly woke up and whimpered in pain.

Lyra rushed to his side to comfort him.

"Oh, Pan!" Lyra cried. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."

Pantalaimon looked at for her a moment, then he spoke quietly.

"No, Lyra, it's OK." He said calmly. "I miss Will too."

Lyra seemed uncertain for a moment, but after a few seconds she went back to her bed, and eventually managed to fall asleep despite her woes; perhaps this was making her tired rather than anxious. While she slept, her dreams were invaded by troublesome thoughts, the most frequent being the way in which Dame Hannah would react when she found out what Lyra had been doing to herself.

After waking up the next morning, Lyra realised she had perhaps over-reacted. She now saw that her separation from Will could have been far worse, and that she was lucky to have had a chance to say goodbye properly.

The only thing that worried her now was how Dame Hannah would react when she saw what Lyra had been doing to herself.

Fortunately, Dame Hannah didn't notice the scars on Lyra's forearm as she was too busy helping her with her studies. However, when the end of the lesson was reached, Lyra held the door open for Dame Hannah, and in doing so accidently allowed Dame Hannah to see her scars. Dame Hannah apparently didn't think much of them at first, but paused just as she was about to leave Lyra's dormitory, and turned around to face Lyra.

"Lyra, where did you get those scars?" asked Dame Hannah.

"Oh, uh…" Lyra stammered. "I grazed myself when I was playing on the roof of the college."

"Lyra, you haven't played on the roofs in years." Dame Hannah said, clearly not convinced by Lyra's excuse. "Have you been hurting yourself?"

Lyra looked away guiltily, then turned to face Dame Hannah and nodded.

Dame Hannah gasped in horror, then kneeled down to look directly at Lyra. She slowly put her hands on Lyra's shoulders, and began to speak to her quietly.

"Lyra, why would you do something like this?" asked Dame Hannah.

"I'm not going to do it again, I swear. I'm not upset anymore, it was just that something came over me and I couldn't control it."

"You didn't answer me, Lyra," said Dame Hannah. "Why did you hurt yourself like this?"

Lyra paused for a moment, and then said: "It was because I missed Will."

Dame Hannah didn't say anything, but then stood up and said, "Don't do anything like this again please."

And with that, she turned around and left Lyra's dormitory without saying another word.

When Lyra arrived at afternoon classes, troublesome thoughts swirled around in her mind. The way Dame Hannah had reacted to Lyra's self-harm didn't seem comforting or compassionate; if anything it had seemed a little cold and hostile.

Lyra snapped out of her thoughts as the bell for her next class rang and she hurriedly ran to the lecture hall. Taking a seat next to Joseph, she smiled in an attempt to cover her sadness and confusion, but there was something about Joseph that meant he could always see how she was really feeling.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concern showing in his voice.

Lyra sighed, realising that she couldn't hide her feelings from Joseph any longer. She began to explain how she had hurt herself, and how Dame Hannah had reacted afterwards. Like his usual self, Joseph listened thoughtfully, and when Lyra had finished talking, he said:

"OK… Why don't you tell Dame Hannah about all the things that happened two years ago and take her to the botanical garden where you were separated from Will? I'm sure she'll understand then, after she sees how you feel about Will."

Lyra instantly understood. In a place like the botanical garden, where beauty and love seemed to be reflected everywhere, it would be easy to understand the way one person felt about another.

Maybe Dame Hannah would finally understand why Lyra felt so strongly about Will.


	4. Chapter 3

"Why did you bring me here, Lyra?" asked Dame Hannah, as she and Lyra strolled through the botanical garden. "Usually when you've finished your studies, you're off to go swimming in the river, or to talk to your friends."

"I need to show you how I feel about Will, so you know why I did what I did." Lyra said, with a sense of confidence in her voice that surprised even herself.

"By bringing me to the botanical garden?" said Dame Hannah, seeming somewhat doubtful of Lyra's plan.

"Yes." Said Lyra calmly. "Two years ago, Will and I said our last goodbye here, and afterwards the gap between the worlds was closed, separating us from each other forever."

Dame Hannah seemed very impatient; she had evening classes to teach in half an hour. "Are you going somewhere with this, Lyra?" she asked.

"Of course, Dame Hannah." Lyra replied. "The point is, Will and I had the best goodbye we could have had. In a place like this, so full of natural beauty, we felt as though everything was finally falling into place, even if it seemed unfair. But after a while, I began to forget that, which is why I hurt myself. But now, as I look upon the colour and life all around me, I realise that there is still hope and love all around me, all I have to do is look for it. And the reason I brought you here is to show you that love isn't something that should be forgotten; even if the person you love is gone, you shouldn't forget them and let them be pushed to the corners of your mind – you should embrace them, through everything you see around you, through the sun, the sky, and through life."

Dame Hannah didn't say anything for a moment, but then she gently placed her left hand upon Lyra's shoulder, and looked into Lyra's eyes.

"I had a husband once," she confessed. "But he tried to rebel against the Magisterium because of the unfair way they treated gay people, and they had him executed."

Lyra gasped in horror. "That;s awful."

Dame Hannah nodded. "I know, but thanks to what you told me about love, I feel better about it now. I realise that although he might not be here anymore, I can still be with him if I want to. All I have to do is think of him, live life to the full, and be thankful that there is still beauty left in the world. It's what he would have wanted."

Dame Hannah paused for a moment, then continued to speak:

"Lyra, I know I'm supposed to be the one teaching you, but I feel like you've taught me something today. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome, Dame Hannah." Said Lyra.

And with that, the teacher and the pupil walked off into the sunset, feeling as though the weight of the world had just been lifted from their shoulders.

The day after Lyra had taken Dame Hannah to the botanical garden, she resumed her studies as per usual. However, she now felt far more secure and happy; - the urge she had previously felt to harm herself so cruelly had now disappeared. She felt as though a sense of closure had been achieved, but she knew there was still much to do. For one thing, she still needed to continue her study of the alethiometer, as she had been told two years ago, after her return to Jordan College, that it would take a full lifetime.

At the end of the school day, while walking through the corridors, Lyra rushed to tell Joseph about her trip to the botanical garden with Dame Hannah. Joseph seemed very pleased with what Lyra told him, smiling in response to the smile she gave him.

"… and I think I'm ready to move on now." Lyra finished. "I know I swore to love Will forever, and I will, but that doesn't mean I have to obsess over him. It's enough to know that he's happy in his own world, and that he misses me too."

Jospeh nodded, in a way that suggested he knew exactly what Lyra meant.

"I'm glad your plan went well, Lyra." He said. "I knew that when Dame Hannah saw a place as beautiful as the botanical garden, she would be able to see the sense within your words."

"Thank you, Joseph," said Lyra.

Suddenly, as she looked at him, she felt something stirring within her. She thought back to what Will had said as they separated in the botanical garden, about how they would not compare someone they married with each other, and that they would agree to be happy and move on. Gazing at Joseph's porcelain skin and long, thin black hair, she saw that in his own way, he was handsome. She hadn't thought of him that way before, and had only seen his kindness and wisdom. And while she still saw that now, she began to see something else.

Lyra realised, quite abruptly, that she was in love with Joseph. While she would never forget Will, she realised that it was acceptable to feel this way about Joseph – after all, she couldn't assume that Will hadn't moved on. As she continued to stare at Joseph longingly, he became slightly confused. Lyra hadn't said anything for some time, and it was beginning to worry him.

However, as Lyra reached forward to gently caress his face, his worries vanished. Her lips moved ever closer to his, and he began to breathe more quickly. After what seemed like an eternity, their lips made contact. Lyra continued to stroke his face, and began to deepen the kiss. Joseph, although initially anxious, began to relax, and placed his arms around her neck, pushing into her gently.

Lyra broke apart from Joseph for a moment, breathing heavily. Then she spoke:

"Come on. Let's go to my dormitory."


	5. Chapter 4

**WARNING: This chapter contains sexual content. Discretion is advised.**

As Lyra and Joseph made their way up to Lyra's dormitory, kissing wildly and rubbing up against each other as they did so, they began to feel their bodies trembling with anticipation. For Joseph, this was the first time he had kissed anyone, and although he was nervous, he was also enjoying himself very much. As they kissed, Lyra gently bit Joesph's lips. He didn't understand at first, but after Lyra bit down harder, causing him to gasp, he understood; Lyra took advantage of his gasp to flood her tongue into his mouth.

"Mmmm," Joseph breathed happily, as her tongue explored his mouth.

Suddenly, Lyra broke apart from Joseph, but then launched a sudden avalanche of kisses upon his face, placing her lips upon anywhere she could reach. Her kisses grew more frantic and intense, and she would occasionally lick his face gently. Her actions surprised Joseph as he'd never known her to be so frisky, but he didn't mind at all.

When they reached her room, Lyra pulled away from Joseph for one moment to open the door, but quickly returned to him, putting her arms around his neck. As they continued to press their lips together, Lyra's hands crept downwards to rest at the waistline of his grey trousers. However, before her hands went any further, she reached behind her to slam the door. The sound of the door slamming excited Joseph and made his heart race; if Lyra was so keen to close the door, it made him wonder what she had planned.

As the echo of the slamming door faded away, Lyra returned her hands to Joseph's body, and allowed them to sneak down to his waistband again. Her left hand found its way into his back pocket, where she gently squeezed. Joseph moaned with pleasure, and was unable to keep himself from thrusting his hips into her. In turn, Lyra also moaned, delighted by the feeling of Joseph's growing erection against her. Finding herself turned on by him, she pushed him almost violently against the door, and pressed her lips against his vigorously. Putting her arms against the door to keep him in place in case he was frightened by her sudden excitement , she allowed her lips to travel down his face, stopping to lick occasionally, until she reached his neck.

As she kissed and licked Jospeh's neck frantically, Lyra pressed her crotch against his erection, which was now at full size, and moaned with pleasure.

"Oh, Joseph." she moaned loudly.

Although Joseph was pleased by her arousal, as it was more than he had ever expected, he was a little scared by her actions, which seemed to come dangerously close to aggression. But as her kisses continued, he promptly forgot this, and allowed himself to relax more. Struggling to get his arms out of her vice-like grip, but eventually managing to do so, he placed them upon her shoulders, and allowed them to slowly travel downwards, where they eventually rested upon her breasts, which had grown very much in the last two years, and were now really large for someone of her age, let alone anyone. He felt the movement of Lyra's lips grow increasingly urgent in response to this gesture, and in turn, he gently squeezed her breasts, causing an aroused moan to emerge from her crimson lips. He continued to caress and squeeze her breasts through the white fabric of her school blouse, and then also began to move his hands down them in a stroking-type motion.

"Ooh Joseph," moaned Lyra. "Keep going."

And so he did – as he continued to stroke, caress and squeeze her large, round breasts, Lyra slowly unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse, exposing her bra and cleavage. Lyra's lips moved from his neck to his ear, where she licked it mischievously before whispering:

"Put your hands in there."

In response to her demand, Joseph stopped running his hands over her firm, heaving breasts from outside her blouse, and allowed his hands to snake their way into her blouse, where he ran his fingers over her breasts through the lacy fabric of her bra, before slipping one of his hands in between her breasts. Lyra moaned in delight, and pushed her breasts together to keep his hand there. Slowly, Lyra began to unbutton the rest of her buttons, while keeping one hand on Joseph's to push it into the space between her breasts even more. After her buttons all came undone, Joseph pushed her blouse off her shoulders, before returning his hands to her breasts, slipping his hands underneath her bra to feel the warm skin of her voluptuous breasts.

Lyra understood what he wanted, and slowly unclasped her bra, until it fell to the floor. Lyra smiled at the stunned expression on Joseph's face, and to arouse him even more, she pushed both her large breasts up, then let them go, allowing them to jiggle and bounce. Once again, Joseph returned his hands to them, squeezing them and caressing them once more.

"Here," said Lyra. "You've pleased me, now it's my turn to please you."

Joseph felt his heartbeat speed up once more; he wondered what she was going to do. As she reached forward to unbutton his shirt, he felt his erection growing more, if that were even possible. Lyra slowly ran her hands up and down his bare chest, before allowing them to reach his belt. As she slowly undid it, Joseph's breathing began to increase, and he started to moan.

"Oh Lyra." He sighed. "You're so good at this."

After Lyra finished undoing Joseph's belt, his trousers fell away to reveal his boxer shorts, through which his erection was clearly visible.

"Joseph," said Lyra. "Do you mind undoing my skirt for me?"

"Uh, sure." Said Joseph, a little baffled.

However, when he placed his hands at the zip on her skirt, his confusion vanished. Lyra moved her arms backwards to place her hands on his, and slowly guided his hands across her smooth, curvaceous bum. Her hands returned to his chest, while Joseph continued to caress her bum gently, before moving his hands back to the zip of her skirt, which he moved down slowly. As her skirt fell off, Lyra turned around, her back facing Joseph's front. Once again, he was a little confused, but as Lyra pressed her smooth bum, covered only by a pair of lacy white panties, against his erection, hard through his boxer shorts, he understood.

_So this is what she had meant by 'pleasing me', _thought Joseph to himself.

Lyra slowly began to press her bum against Joseph's erection, but picked up the pace as the 'pleasing' went on. Within half a minute, she was rapidly shaking her bum against his crotch, making his erection harder than ever. She gradually bent over, and began to make a dance out of it, her bum pushing against his crotch provocatively.

Though neither one of them wanted it to end, Lyra and Joseph eventually stopped the grinding, so that they could remove their underwear. Lyra turned around to face Joseph again, and pushed her thumbs against the waistband of his boxers, causing them to gradually fall down. As she took in the sight of his erection, he reached forward to remove her panties, pushing them down her legs and throwing them across the room. As the two of them looked at each other's naked bodies, they felt a growing sense of excitement and anticipation.


End file.
